#194 …when you enjoy parenthood.

The joy of being a mother is unparalleled. I had often heard parents crib about the way their life change after they have a child or the burden of supporting another head or the fathers not fulfilling their duty. But I had never been skeptical about any such thing. And I wasn’t wrong. We both were overjoyed with the thought, managed well with the little resources we had and never had anything to crib about the life post-child. Infact Javed fully fulfilled his responsibilities. We always thought that we were complete with each other and there was no place for anyone in between us. But the child proved it wrong. Now, to think of a live without him is incomplete. 

#193 …when you carry her pic in your wallet or place it on your desk.

We had met for our monthly get-together – 10 couples. The host was making us play a game – he kept on calling out a thing and whosoever possessed it and was the first to produce it won points. Though way past our teens, we were enthusiastically participating. We had not yet won points and I was constantly nudging Sudhir to score atleast some. When the host called out for “spouse’s pic”, I was astonished to see Sudhir take out his wallet and run to him with my photo which he extracted from somewhere in his wallet. None of the others was carrying it. I did feel a little shy at first but then was overwhelmed with his idea of affection. To score even, I went home, chose one of the best clicked pic of ours and sent it for framing. Even today when I see that frame, placed neatly on my side table, I can’t help thinking about that episode and smile.  

#192 …when you hurry to get home – knowing he’ll be there.

It always happens with me. The more I try to hurry, the more I falter. I even decided to leave office early to reach home early, but…  Couldn’t my boss wait till tomorrow for me to finish the new assignment that he had given me. He couldn’t. After all Bosses all around the world aren’t abused for nothing. Then that auto driver – he was no less. He kept waiting for more and more passengers to come. Isn’t there a ceiling on the no. of passengers that they can carry? Will definitely check out tomorrow. That was not all. The ferry decided to halt service for the day. Unexpected technical difficulties, they said. Unexpected - as if we don’t know. When I finally took the bus and heaved a sigh of relief at the thought of finally reaching home, albeit a little late, I got my ultimate shock. I had boarded the wrong bus. Thank god, I realized in time and switched to the right one. 40 minutes later as I got down at my stop, all I could do was pray that I wasn’t too late, that I hadn’t kept him waiting for long. After all, it is only sometimes that we get to spend time together - with our busy schedules and colossal responsibilities.    

#191 …when you see his/her face everywhere.

For the last half an hour I have been trying to concentrate on this book but without success. When I kept imagining her face all around – in classroom, at canteen table, with the athletes on playground, drinking water from the tap in an all boys school - that I finally decided to retreat to Library. I was sure atleast I’ll be able to shrug her off now amidst the heavy books and silent readers. When I failed in it, I got up and went straight to her place. On meeting her, I was amazed to hear she had been visualizing me all day too. We couldn’t help laughing over the situation and decided to face the feelings headfront rather than play around the bush.

#190 …when you tell him its not true when he begins to have bald patches.

I was carefully combing his hair over thinning patch, when he suddenly asked, “Darling am I going bald?”

A worried look had crossed his face and he was apprehensively awaiting my answer.

 “Ofcourse not baby. Your head has too thick a vegetation to be wiped out that easily.” I replied.

I smiled on seeing a look of utter satisfaction on his face.

#189 …when you lend her the money that you know will never return.

My wife was asking why I had loaned our daughter that much money. 

How could I not? 

I agree I have already given her pocket-money for the month...

I agree it was enough for her expenses...

I agree she never repay loans...

I agree I never ask how much her new dress cost... 

I agree that she is taking undue advantage of me...

But I also agree that I love doing that.

#188 …when you wanna share your past with her – good and bad.

Dear Diary,

I have known her only for two days now. But have updated her of quite a large part of my life. Why? I myself don't know. Our phones haven’t been disconnected since except for a few minutes now and then. Be it school fun or college hangouts, friends and foes or family, affairs or dreams, deep hidden secrets or well known habits - everything has been laid bare in front of her. Infact I am to take her today to the house which holds my childhood memories, but had to be left when space constraint forced us to move to a bigger house. And tomorrow we are going to my almamater. I cannot describe how excited I am over the whole stuff. I want her to be aware of every part of my life and as soon as can be.

#187 …when you allow her to drive your car before taking out its insurance.

“But why don’t you have insurance for it?” Ravi asked.

“I just took delivery of car from showroom yesterday. Was about to call you.” I replied.

“And why did you let her drive it before you had it insured? Everybody knows how bad a driver she is.”

 I didn’t know what to say. Ravi is my friend and an insurance provider as well. When my car met an accident, the first name that came into my mind was his. It was sickening to see my dream car being hit like that. And on top of that it wasn’t insured.

“Hello.. you there?” he repeated.

“Yes I am...”

What am I to reply? That I couldn’t say no to her when she expressed her desire to drive it? That I couldn’t even say anything when I saw what she had done to it?

“Leave it man, my mistake.”I finally said.

“Sorry yaar, won’t be able to help you this time.” He said before hanging up.

#186 …when you find strength in each other.

Everything happened so suddenly that I didn’t have time to react. The body was hanging from his living room’s ceiling, Policemen were on door, most of his family was out for vacations and I… I was dumbstruck. Disaster had stricken at Mr. Mehra’s house, dearly loved and respected neighbor sharing the status of a close relative. I didn’t know what to do, how to help. The only name I could think of then was Danny. I immediately called him up and then followed his instructions. By night I was through with my fears and formalities, atleast partially – FIR had been filed, body pulled down and sent, Mr. Mehra notified of the incident, his house locked and sealed, neighbors kept at bay and I, a little calmed with Danny’s supporting shoulders. I couldn’t thank him enough.

“Stop thanking me now. Wasn’t it expected of me? Wouldn’t you have done the same?”

I knew I would have. It is these moments that truly test relationships. I was glad we had passed it...      

#185 … when you cook him a dessert even though you are on diet.

“Nothing..  Just finished cooking..” I said on phone.

“Cooking? So you cook too? That’s news.” I could hear Seema chuckle on the other side of the phone.

“Shut up. M a good cook. Ask Tarun. Infact I have baked him an apple pie today. Our favourite.”

“Apple pie! I am already drooling. You could have invited me. I would have certified your cooking abilities,” Seema mocked.

“Thank you dear, next time I will.”

“Hey but I remember you saying you were on strict diet.”

“That I am.” I clarified.

“That’s confusing.”

“I baked it for Tarun. He was craving for it since yesterday. M not gonna dig in it.”

“But how can you not? Why didn’t you let him go out and eat?”

“Because he adores my hand-baked pies. And I adore him. Now drop this topic and tell me when are you coming down?”

“…

#184 …when you steal kisses and hugs.

We have been married for 24 years now but nothing has changed between us in these many years. He still steals kisses and hugs like we used to when we had just begun dating each other in our college days’. Though the venues have definitely altered. FROM the backbenches in classrooms, corner seats in theatres, terraces in friends’ apartments, lifts in every building that we visites TO rear car seats after dusk, private corners in social parties, dinner tables before the children assemble and the like. The places may have changed but the feeling hasn’t.   

#183 …when you miss half of your fav film for the sake of finding her shoes.

Halfway through the movie, she suddenly became restless. On asking her what was wrong, she said she couldn’t find her shoes.

“What? How can you not find your shoes? Aren’t they supposed to be on YOUR feet?” I asked.

Then I realized she had been sitting with her legs folded on the seat and her sandals lay on the floor. Though I tried to tell her that during interval some passerby might have kicked her sandals unconsciously and that we can look for it after the movie ends, she was not the one to listen. In that utter darkness, even mobile glow wasn't sufficient to provide the light required. Nevertheless with that faint beam, we kept searching till we found it under the chair of the person sitting in front of me. By the time we took our seats back, we had missed much of the movie. But one look at her smiling, contented face, her  and I knew it was worth it.

#182 …when you send her a flight ticket in an unexpected moment so that she can reach you.

My birthday was approaching and I hadn’t had any clue yet whether Rahul was coming down for my b’day or not. As was his business, he spent half a month in Mumbai and the rest here with me, in Kolkata. We spoke everyday but neither he nor I talked about my impending b’day. He – I didn’t know why and I – because I didn’t want to force him to be here or remind him of it in case he had forgotten. We have been together for 5 yrs now and I always thought he understood me well. He did! For, the very next morning I was mailed a flight ticket and a short note which read – “Since I cannot be there, I want you to be here on your special day” undersigned by Rahul. I was overwhelmed with this gesture. Couldn’t help marveling over whatever it was that transported our unspoken thoughts to each other.

#181 …when he helps you arrange the house together after a night spent with friends.

Its been 3 years now. But there hasn’t been a night when he has gone off to sleep without bothering to check if I needed help with the end - of – the – day household chores. Putting up a house all by oneself isn’t an easy task especially when both of its inmates are working. Last evening we had thrown a house-warming party to all our friends. Though I was very excited about the whole stuff in the beginning, the excitement waned away with the setting sun. Watching them making a mess out of my newly decorated house was like feeling the snake rolling on my chest. But as courtesy demanded, I joined them in their merrymaking . After the party, when I was still wondering how to begin revamping the whole place, Faizal came forward and began picking up tins and cans from the floor. Seeing him at it, I began the work with renewed vigour and within an hour was through with it. It is these small moments that reminds me -

 

#180 …when you see two pipettes in a drink.

Strolling through the park this morning I noticed two heads sipping through one coconut. A cute girl, in her teens and the guy probably a little older. I couldn’t resist stopping and watching. Once they finished it, they bought another one and repeated the process. The image took me down the memory lane to the times Rishab and I did the same. He was my the-then neighbor and we used to go jogging together every morning. In the beginning we wouldn’t wait for each other and drink coconut or eat sprouts by ourselves. But gradually things changed. He became the sole motto behind my going to early morning jogs and there wasn’t a day we wouldn’t share our coconuts or sprouts. Oh I so miss those days! I once again looked at them, smiled by myself and prayed that their journey do not head the way mine did. Amen!  

#179 …when you remove her hair away from her eyes.

Sitting there on that bench, I don’t know how much time we had spent together, but I do know that it wasn’t usual for me. Being the kind of restless guy I was, the moment should have been noted in the Guiness Book of World Records.

How could I help? She was so very beautiful. I kept staring at her. It was embarrassing to be brought back into this world by her, every now and then. But as I said, I couldn’t help. Her hairlocks swaying on her face – were tickling me inside. When I couldn’t resist, I took the liberty to remove them from her face, without her permission. She still was oblivious to what I was feeling for her. She kept blabbering about stuffs I hardly paid any attention to. Thinking about it now, I wonder if the cupid has stricken me yet again?  

#178 …when you engrave your initials on a tree.

We were on Sentosa islands, the famous tourism spot in Singapore. It was our last day in the city and we have had a great time covering its every corner and street. As we walked through ‘imbiah lookout’, the nature walk 1.5km wide, it was all bushes and waterfalls, rocks and trees, insects and birds. At intervals we would pass by other walkers, as amazed at the beauty of nature as us. It had been kept totally natural, only a few seats here and there for taking rest and road signs directing us on various crossroads. We had covered more than half the distance when suddenly Girish stopped.

“What?” I asked.

He had been staring at a tree trunk.

“Lets engrave our names as well.” He said not looking at me.

I noticed many names were engraved on it already.

“They have immortalized their relationship. I wanna do it too,” he added as he bent to pick up a sharp stone and began scratching on the trunk.

I was spellbound at his thought. The love expressed herein was more than any word he was ever to speak portraying the same.”

  

#177 …when you let him be the greedy one.

“Not again!”

I couldn’t help but suppress a smile at her comment.

“Why do you let him do that?” Shreya asked.

I didn’t answer.

We were dining out – 8 of us – in that dimly lit restaurant. It was Rita’s birthday and we had a chance to be together after a fairly long time. Sitting on a table that was rectangular, avoided a direct contact amongst all. Since the waiter had been apprised of the Birthday girl sitting at one end, he served our meals in front of her, perhaps expecting a goodness tip at the end of it. It was Jay’s idea that we serve ourselves. We didn’t mind. Being at the other end from the Birthday girl, the plates reached me last, and that Jay had to pass on to me. Shreya had been noticing this for quite some time. Jay wasn’t particularly attentive about passing me every bowl, let alone serving me. Either I had to ask for it, or go without it. Many a times he would fill his plate without leaving some for me, the last to get the serving.

“He isn’t the chivalrous kind. He never was.”  Shreya said finding me not replying.

“You know he is a glutton, when it comes to food. I let him be that. I can’t even think of him without his greediness for food. And thank god its just for that.” I finally replied.

Jay was already engrossed in his food, unaware of what had been exchanged on him.

#176 …when you give each other nicknames.

“Quto, Shona, Jaanu, Sweety… Grrrrrrr.”

“What’s wrong Baabu?” I asked Smayan. “What are you so pissed at?”

“This name calling game! Why can’t you call me SMAYAN? Don’t you like it?”

“Ofcourse I do. But everyone else calls you by that name.”

“So?”

“So… there should be something special about my calling you out. Don’t you call me Rashu at times instead of RASHMI?”

“Hmm.. Okay got it madam. Now lets get ready or we’ll be late for the dinner. 

Rashu rush.” 

#175 ...when you feel somebody is watching you from heaven.

A lot of people pass away too early ... without a reason ... without the season. So did you. I looked up at the sky that night missing you to my wits end. I felt you were looking back at me. I remember you often ... in the morning, at night, when I look at stars, when I cook up tarts ... a date ... a song ... a place ... a smell ... I know you miss me too. And I know you are watching me from heaven... So here's to you, with lots of love - 

#174... when someone breaks your heart and you think for the person with each broken piece.

I was shocked.  Was that actually her? Did she actually spoke to me that way? Was it her own words? Did she mean what she said?

I had many questions playing zigzag in my mind. Each one clamoring for an answer that would give a negative reply. Alas! I knew what the truth was.

It was her, the words were her, and the idea was hers. Yes! It was her.  

After listening to that crap from her, the first thought that crossed my mind was –“you go your way, I’ll go mine”.

But that doesn’t happen when you feel so much for someone, whether or not that someone feels the same for you.

I couldn’t stop worrying about her, the mess she was in, and the means to bail her out. I couldn’t stop thinking of how she would be handling the situation back home, why was she behaving the way she was, and ways in which I could be of help to her if any.

I may not speak to her for the times to come, but I’ll definitely carry her in my heart for the years to follow.

#173 ...when it takes over.

It's complicated, it always is, that's just the way it goes
Feels like I've waited so long for this, I wonder if it shows?
Head under water now I can breath, it never felt so good.
Cause I can feel it coming over me I wouldn't stop it if I could

When love takes over, yeah
You know you can't deny
When love takes over, yeah
Cause something's here tonight

Give me a reason I gotta know, do you feel it too ?
Can't you see me here on overload, and this time I blame you...
Ohhh... Looking out for U to hold my hand, it feels like I could fall
Now love me right like I know you can, we could loose it all

When love takes over, yeah
You know you can't deny
When love takes over, yeah 

Cause something's here tonight

#172 …when you take those extra steps to help somebody.

Dear friends and loved ones: My birthday's coming up soon. If I were home, I'd be planning a stupid, expensive birthday party and you'd all be buying me gifts and bottles of wine. A cheaper, lovelier way to celebrate would be to make a donation to help a healer named Wayan Nuriyasih buy a house in Indonesia. She's a single mother. In Bali, after a divorce, a woman gets nothing, not even her children. To gain custody of her daughter, Tutti, Wayan had to sell everything, even her bath mat, to pay for a lawyer. For years, they've moved from place to place. Each time, Wayan loses clientele and Tutti has to change schools. This little group of people in Bali has become my family. And we must take care of our families, wherever we find them. Today I saw Tutti playing with a blue tile she'd found on the road near a hotel construction site. She told me: Maybe if we have a house someday, it can have a pretty blue floor like this. When I was in Italy, I learned a word - It's "tutti" with double T, which in italian means "everybody." So that's the lesson, isn't it? When you set out in the world to help yourself, sometimes you end up helping Tutti.

#171 …when you imagine enjoying raising your children together.

We had been chatting nonchalantly for a while. It was only our second meet. Aman had invited me over for dinner when we first met at a common friend’s party. Since we had gelled along well in the short time, it seemed a nice idea to take the friendship ahead. He wasn’t surprised when I accepted. Now, sitting here on deer spotted bean bags in his 30*10 modernly furnished living room on the 25^th floor of his apartment, beside the wall to wall window facing the Arabian Sea, the idea seemed a little awkward. He was too friendly and I was too relenting. There was something going between us which I was unable to read. As I sat looking outside the window, I noticed a puppy straying aimlessly.
“Hey look. He’s so cute. Seems to have separated from his family.” I said.
“I’ll be right back,” he said as he rushed to the door and outside. I went back to looking at the pup. After a minute, I lost track of it and got up to look around his place. A whimping sound made me turn back. Aman was back with the pup. I ran to take it from his arms. As I caressed it, a thought crossed my mind.

“We’ll call him Softy,” I announced.
“We! I like it.” He said in a voice softer than a whisper. I was too engrossed in Softy to notice his intent.
“I don’t like the divided attention. I shouldn’t have brought the pup here.” Aman said complainingly.
“Ah! You are jealous,” I said moving to the kitchen to find something for Softy to eat. “What will happen when there’ll be kids?” I added handing Softy to him.
“Kids?” he asked.
“Yes, kids,” I said taking milk out from the refrigerator and pouring it in a flat wide bowl. “I’ll have no time for you then. We’ll divide our duties and take them out every weekend.” Taking the pup from him, I placed the bowl on the dining table and let Softy at it. Once the pup started slurping, I looked back at Aman satisfactorily.
He bore a mischievous smile on his face.  
Then I realized what I had just said. I was pale with embarrasement.

#170 …when you feel overcome and giddy.

It is like she has got some supernatural power. Some magical wand that she touches me with to make me do what she wants. I always feel so overcome in her presence, so mushy, so giddy and it’s beyond my control. My heart starts singing and I have to literally shut my mouth not to make a fool of myself. And it’s only in her presence or when her thoughts have taken the centre stage that this happens. I can run from her but not hide. What is it? Why am I so not myself?